How weird is THIS shit?

It's Chinese Gatorade! I don't like the idea that I'm drinking sweat.

Before School Starts

I wrote this Monday. Now that I finally have internet I can post it.

Two things that I did that are both noteworthy: 30/08/10

1. I had the healthiest dinner out I think I have ever eaten. The restaurant is in the mall where the Carrefour is so I constantly pass it while doing my shopping and it intrigued me from the start. Inside a bunch of people sit at a bar and at each setting is a boiling pot of water and a ton of random vegetables and uncooked meats. Sunday night I attempted it. The menu was entirely in Chinese, with no pictures. Fun. I chose one that cost a little more than the others on the logic that everyone seemed to have combos around them and the more expensive one would probably be just that. They placed the bowl of boiling water infront of me and went to grab my food. The boiling water alone made me drool: they had put some spices and aromatics in it and it smelled absolutely delicious. Out came my plate of leafy greens, sweet potato, tofu, shrimp, crab and some thinly sliced beef, all uncooked, with a little bowl of a peanutty sauce (NOT peanut sauce, it was a little spicier, a little heavier on the seasonings). The meal was DELICIOUS. I watched a couple people first, unsure of how to cook the rapini or glass noodles (didn’t eat those though due to presumed gluten content) or bok choy or what seemed like an entire head of lettuce. Eventually I just threw as much in the pot as I could and just picked them out piece by piece, dipped them in the sauce, and savoured the shit out of it. I love vegetables, and this was veggie heaven. The meat, tofu, crab, shrimp were so fresh and soft. The whole meal was 26yuan, or $4.30 CDN. I think I’m going to eat here every second night since I’m fed breakfast and lunch at the school.

2. I bought the most PIMP baller mac daddy bicycle. EVER. I was literally giddy riding it back from the store. I made sure I picked the one that I thought would literally make me feel as low rider as possible hahahhahaaha. I love it so much I want to ship it back to Canada with me when I come home. I'm such a child! Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it outtttttttttttttt.

This afternoon I met up with Emilie and Tom at the school after we both had meetings. They suggested going out for a drink which ended up with me drinking a bottle of wine before going out to get peking duck with Sharon and Damon, which was absolutely delicious. I then proceeded to meet Emilie and Tom again at a bar in the city. Probably not the best idea, as it is my first day of work tomorrow and I am definitely up at 2am logging how exponentially drunk I am for the world to see. I can’t decide what is smart anymore. Emilie is me, albeit 10 years older. We already have plans to go to this huge house club party on September 14^th, and I have an inkling we’re going to get along well together.

Total Vacation Time

1 week October

+

4 weeks end of January

+

7 weeks summer

=

12 WEEKS!! TWELVE FRIGGIN WEEKS PEOPLE

This job hasn't even started yet and I already love it!

Medical Screening and Times Thereafter

*** Pics are all up on facebook. Once I start working, I won't be posting as frequently; don't worry, less to read :)

FRIDAY To live in China, every person needs to pass a medical screening test. When I first applied for the job, my boss told me about this test and described it as being “pretty basic, they just tell you if you have aids or something of the like.” Of course that is more than doable to be able to stay in China for a year.

Jessie came by my apartment Friday morning to pick me up at 7:45am and I was wide awake because of the jet lag. She took me to the school where I met up with the other new teachers who also have to complete this test. There is a couple from Canada who have been in China for three years now teaching in another province. An older man and an older woman from Australia, not together though. A younger girl from the UK, about 30, with her boyfriend who is only staying for a month to settle her in (she’s staying, he’s leaving). They were all extremely nice and friendly and excited to be working together. We all piled in a van and headed to the northwest part of the city, which I swear was the farthest hospital possible from where we were located. Two hours of excessive traffic later, we make it to the location of the “Alien Migration Testing Site”... yup I’m an alien, not a foreigner here.

This building is pretty much set up as the fastest medical treatment facility I have ever seen. You fill out some questionnaire about your medical history and pay your fee, which the school paid for us. You then have a number of rooms located in the building that you have to go to, in no particular order. When I was handed back my form, they had printed the tests and their allocated rooms on the other side, and when I read the test names I nearly turned around and raced for the door! All in all each of us had to do an eye and ear exam, blood test, a full body x-ray, E.E.G., E.C.T., an ultrasound and two tests called SURGERY and INTERNAL MEDICINE (in the same room) which you know I was shitting my pants over thinking “holy shit.... I’m getting SURGERY?” My support team, a.k.a. the other teachers, were just as scared shitless as I was so it was all pretty funny to look back on. You line up outside of each door and when it’s your turn they shuffle you in and poke and prod you into the positions that they want you in. Each of them had one or two lines they knew in English, my favourite being “Take deep breath five minutes” for after the blood test. One of the teachers described it as a kind of carnival that’s not really fun. It took about an hour for us to complete, then we all shuffled back into the car and headed home. Let's hope I don't fail!

Since moving to China, I’ve set myself a goal a day of basic things I need to do that are extremely difficult to accomplish because of the language barrier. My goal that day was to have purchased a cell phone with international text messages and calling. The task was daunting and took TWO HOURS but finally I was able to get it across to them what I needed (“I live Beijing...want message Canada.. Beijing to Canada?”). The entire staff of China Mobile combined only had broken English, but they tried so hard and were so eager to help me. It was sweet, actually.

SATURDAY The two teachers from Canada, Damon and Shannon, had asked if I wanted to head into town with them to get brunch and check out the local sites and I was definitely in. We took the subway around 10:30am which I was also marvelling at. You don’t buy tickets but top up a card (another card) that you scan when you go in and when you go out of the subway; it deducts based on how long your trip was. It costs 2RMB or 30 cents each way. Eat THAT, TTC!

We went to a restaurant in the Embassy District called Paul’s Steak and Eggs. Its a diner-style restaurant owned by an American and the first place I realized I can use English to get around in. It was AMAZING, both the food and this realization. First, I had a western omelette which was the BOMB. Second, there are a number of expat communities and tourist areas across Beijing where the staff only speak English! It was like a world had been opened up for me... English? Really? Everywhere we went for the rest of the day I spoke in English and it was fantastic.

After that we went to the Silk Market, which isn’t a market at all actually. It’s a gigantic building FULL of the fake products you can get so ridiculously easy here. I was ENTRANCED. Finding that market was the best day of my life. Damon taught me the art of bargaining over a silk Kimono I bought (mainly for comedic and PIMP purposes): You receive the Western price from the sales, where you then insult them with a ridiculously low price. They continue to haggle you, where you continue to insult. As they go lower, you tell them you are from Beijing, and not stupid and start to walk away. They continue to shout things at you as you walk, until eventually, if they really want to sell it to you, they give it to you for your price. I was quoted 650RMB for the kimono and I got it for 50. FIFTY. This is the white inflation price, people. It was absolutely hilarious. I’m going back, probably today, and buying the market OUT. People, you know you’re getting Chinese knockoff shit for Christmas!

We then went to Waidoku, or some variation of that word, a walking street close by. This street had EVERY possible thing for you to consume LIVE on a stick. I have a video on facebook of the wriggling SCORPIONS that they just deep fry infront of your face. I screamed and ran when one of the vendors put a LIVE scorpion on Damon... definitely not getting close to that shit.

The rest of the day was spent in Sanlitun, the Expat bar district of Beijing, where you can guess what I did with my time. Shannon, Damon and I ended our day smoking hooka and shooting the shit about Louis C.K. (a comedian) at an Arabic restaurant while drinking wine and wearing my kimono. Definitely a good day in Beijing! We went home rather early, say 10, as we were all jetlagged and trying to settle into the 12-hour difference from Canada thing here. Should I do it all over again today? Maybe!

First Impressions of Beijing

My first impressions and experiences of my travels to and in Beijing: 27/08/2010

1. Air Canada has the best gluten-free cinnamon raisin bagel I have ever had! That being said, my theory was 100% correct: travelling almost directly West for 13 hours, the sun never moved. It was like I was in a twilight zone. I arrived 13 hours after leaving Toronto and I swear the sun was in almost the exact same place as when I left, like it never set.

2. Everything here is green. This could be the area that I’m living, but there are trees and parks everywhere. Its actually quite beautiful.

3. I’m not going to get as much help as I hoped I would with communicating. Jessie, my assistant, picked me up from the airport with the driver, gave me a couple of instructions of things I needed to do before tomorrow, and then dropped me off at my apartment. She had already arranged for a one bedroom place for me in a compound of residential buildings in the middle of Tongshou, the most residential area of Beijing and where my school is located. As soon as she left I had a mini-freakout; more like “WTF this chick just dropped me off and was like k go down to this store, buy a cell phone and a SIM card, go open a bank account here, do it all before tomorrow okay byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I can’t even say HELLO in Chinese and she wants me to do all that?? What did I get myself into...” Needless to say I did NONE of it after I saw the state of my apartment: dirty. I sat down, calmed down, and made a list of things I wanted that would make my living state bearable. Now that its clean in here, the place is pretty nice and fairly big, but initially I was shocked.

4. ALL stereotypes about what Chinese people eat are completely TRUE. T-R-U-E. 100%. My goal of buying a bunch of cleaning supplies and possibly some dinner wasn’t too difficult. At the bottom of the apartment buildings is a giant mall that has everything I could ever want in it, including a Carrefour, kind of like a giant Walmart. On the first level of the Chinese Walmart I loaded up on the random shit I thought I needed to clean and cook: pots and pans, dish towels, Mr. Musculo cleaning spray (we had that in Peru!), glade plug-ins, etc, etc. I did NOT buy forks but chopsticks: they had an entire WALL COVERED in chopsticks ranging in price but only ONE fork eight times the price of my chopsticks. Not even kidding. After that I worked my way upstairs to the food level. Honest to God, I was walking around MARVELLING at this place for two HOURS. They had live turtles and goldfish that you could buy where some dude would just chop their heads off and hand them to you in a bag. There were shark fins hanging from meat hooks like a clothesline. People were digging into a giant vat of jellyfish on ice with their HANDS, like “no biggie, I’m just gonna look for a good one.” There were whole frozen frogs, every single part of the chicken on display, tons of weird coloured things boiling in pots, and even turkey necks and spirally pig tails on skewers for the barbeque. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna loose a ton of weight fairly quickly here since I am terrified of everything that they eat. The one thing they did have in abundance though became my dinner: KIMCHEE. I fucking love kimchee. For those of you who don’t know, its this cabbage that they pickle in this spicy sauce and I ate that shit like it was my last meal.

5. Until I learn some Chinese, I am a dumb mute that people pity. I learned very quickly to nod my head rapidly at every request or question and just hope they understand that I have no idea what they want from me. Every single person I’ve dealt with has given me this face like “aww you cute little white girl, you’re new aren’t you?” The Chinese also STARE at me everywhere that I go, as if they are shocked that I exist and live in Beijing. In the end, though, all are REALLY patient with my lack of Chinese skills. So far I can say hello and thanks. Literally thats it. But even knowing that I've managed to buy my groceries, set up a cell phone plan, and negotiate the price of a bike (which I haven't bought yet).

6. I can’t figure out how to work my house. Everything is run on cards that I have to “top up” when they are running low by going to the bank and putting money on it. I have an electricity card, a water card and a gas card which I have to stick in varying places in my house to make shit work. The shower water is run by this gigantic water heater that I have to plug in at least 20 minutes before I take a shower (I learned this by having a very cold shower after cleaning). The shower is about up to my chin, so if I don’t remove the showerhead I’m doing about 20 squats trying to make this shit reach my hair. I couldn’t work the television until this morning (at least it’s a flatscreen). I have NO idea how to turn the bathroom light on or the water for the bathroom sink so I definitely brushed my teeth in the kitchen last night. I’m not living in a building with any other teachers, so I’m going to make Jessie call my landlord to come over and show me how to do all of this stuff. I’ve also decided to buy caulking and seal EVERY part of my house after finding the Chinese version of potato bugs in the bathroom this morning; better than cockroaches, but still not welcome.

So Here We Are Again!

I'm back on the grind, this time in Beijing, China. I promise I'll keep it updated since I only work 20 hours a week and have nothing else to do!