Medical Screening and Times Thereafter

*** Pics are all up on facebook. Once I start working, I won't be posting as frequently; don't worry, less to read :)

FRIDAY To live in China, every person needs to pass a medical screening test. When I first applied for the job, my boss told me about this test and described it as being “pretty basic, they just tell you if you have aids or something of the like.” Of course that is more than doable to be able to stay in China for a year.

Jessie came by my apartment Friday morning to pick me up at 7:45am and I was wide awake because of the jet lag. She took me to the school where I met up with the other new teachers who also have to complete this test. There is a couple from Canada who have been in China for three years now teaching in another province. An older man and an older woman from Australia, not together though. A younger girl from the UK, about 30, with her boyfriend who is only staying for a month to settle her in (she’s staying, he’s leaving). They were all extremely nice and friendly and excited to be working together. We all piled in a van and headed to the northwest part of the city, which I swear was the farthest hospital possible from where we were located. Two hours of excessive traffic later, we make it to the location of the “Alien Migration Testing Site”... yup I’m an alien, not a foreigner here.

This building is pretty much set up as the fastest medical treatment facility I have ever seen. You fill out some questionnaire about your medical history and pay your fee, which the school paid for us. You then have a number of rooms located in the building that you have to go to, in no particular order. When I was handed back my form, they had printed the tests and their allocated rooms on the other side, and when I read the test names I nearly turned around and raced for the door! All in all each of us had to do an eye and ear exam, blood test, a full body x-ray, E.E.G., E.C.T., an ultrasound and two tests called SURGERY and INTERNAL MEDICINE (in the same room) which you know I was shitting my pants over thinking “holy shit.... I’m getting SURGERY?” My support team, a.k.a. the other teachers, were just as scared shitless as I was so it was all pretty funny to look back on. You line up outside of each door and when it’s your turn they shuffle you in and poke and prod you into the positions that they want you in. Each of them had one or two lines they knew in English, my favourite being “Take deep breath five minutes” for after the blood test. One of the teachers described it as a kind of carnival that’s not really fun. It took about an hour for us to complete, then we all shuffled back into the car and headed home. Let's hope I don't fail!

Since moving to China, I’ve set myself a goal a day of basic things I need to do that are extremely difficult to accomplish because of the language barrier. My goal that day was to have purchased a cell phone with international text messages and calling. The task was daunting and took TWO HOURS but finally I was able to get it across to them what I needed (“I live Beijing...want message Canada.. Beijing to Canada?”). The entire staff of China Mobile combined only had broken English, but they tried so hard and were so eager to help me. It was sweet, actually.

SATURDAY The two teachers from Canada, Damon and Shannon, had asked if I wanted to head into town with them to get brunch and check out the local sites and I was definitely in. We took the subway around 10:30am which I was also marvelling at. You don’t buy tickets but top up a card (another card) that you scan when you go in and when you go out of the subway; it deducts based on how long your trip was. It costs 2RMB or 30 cents each way. Eat THAT, TTC!

We went to a restaurant in the Embassy District called Paul’s Steak and Eggs. Its a diner-style restaurant owned by an American and the first place I realized I can use English to get around in. It was AMAZING, both the food and this realization. First, I had a western omelette which was the BOMB. Second, there are a number of expat communities and tourist areas across Beijing where the staff only speak English! It was like a world had been opened up for me... English? Really? Everywhere we went for the rest of the day I spoke in English and it was fantastic.

After that we went to the Silk Market, which isn’t a market at all actually. It’s a gigantic building FULL of the fake products you can get so ridiculously easy here. I was ENTRANCED. Finding that market was the best day of my life. Damon taught me the art of bargaining over a silk Kimono I bought (mainly for comedic and PIMP purposes): You receive the Western price from the sales, where you then insult them with a ridiculously low price. They continue to haggle you, where you continue to insult. As they go lower, you tell them you are from Beijing, and not stupid and start to walk away. They continue to shout things at you as you walk, until eventually, if they really want to sell it to you, they give it to you for your price. I was quoted 650RMB for the kimono and I got it for 50. FIFTY. This is the white inflation price, people. It was absolutely hilarious. I’m going back, probably today, and buying the market OUT. People, you know you’re getting Chinese knockoff shit for Christmas!

We then went to Waidoku, or some variation of that word, a walking street close by. This street had EVERY possible thing for you to consume LIVE on a stick. I have a video on facebook of the wriggling SCORPIONS that they just deep fry infront of your face. I screamed and ran when one of the vendors put a LIVE scorpion on Damon... definitely not getting close to that shit.

The rest of the day was spent in Sanlitun, the Expat bar district of Beijing, where you can guess what I did with my time. Shannon, Damon and I ended our day smoking hooka and shooting the shit about Louis C.K. (a comedian) at an Arabic restaurant while drinking wine and wearing my kimono. Definitely a good day in Beijing! We went home rather early, say 10, as we were all jetlagged and trying to settle into the 12-hour difference from Canada thing here. Should I do it all over again today? Maybe!